For those of us who suffer from anxiety, we know how powerful and overwhelming our thought life can be. I often teach that one of our first freedoms is choosing what we think about. But, when anxiety hits us, it feels more like our anxious thoughts happen to us rather than us choosing them. In this article, I want to explore the nature of anxiety, how our mind tries to grapple with it and ultimately some avenues for relief from overwhelming thoughts.  

My Personal History with Anxiety

Our freedom to not only think, but to choose the content of our thoughts lies at the center of our life. Our thoughts shape us, protect us and reflect who we are. But if you suffer from anxiety, as I did for 25 years, you know that the mind can become a dark place – one that seemingly compels you to think and feel very unpleasant thoughts. What makes an issue like anxiety difficult to overcome is that we cannot problem solve our way out of it. Anxiety isn’t rational, and using reason to resolve anxiety is rarely successful.

In the United States, surveys suggest that over 40 million people suffer from anxiety disorders, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Further, almost one-third of adults reported experiencing some sort of anxiety and depression. The causes of anxiety are vast but there is somewhat of a consensus that a modern life with an emphasis on productivity and competition along with continual social media use and social isolation are some contributing factors of generalized anxiety. Of course, there are likely biological causes as well as acute stressful events that contribute. 

Anxiety Reminds Us to Be Reflective

Here’s the good news: anxiety is always an indicator that we need to make an adjustment. Once that adjustment – be it biological, emotional or mental – is addressed, the resulting anxiety can be resolved. To start, it’s helpful to approach our own anxiety from a sense of curiosity instead of dread. For example, we can ask:

• “What does me having anxiety tell me about myself?
• Do I know why I am anxious?
• Have I always felt this way or has this developed over time?

Though this is a very complex issue and the causes are varied, my goal is to provide you with some avenues of exploration as you investigate your own unique anxiety.

As a former anxiety sufferer, I found these intrusive anxious thoughts puzzling. I didn’t like them but I couldn’t, by force of sheer will, stop them. In my case, I could feel these episodes come on like waves of various intensities where, some weeks, I’d have just a few anxious thoughts and other weeks, most of my days would be filled with them. 

After talking with numerous anxiety sufferers, it became clear that some could identify with my experience while others had a completely different experience. My guess is that how we experience anxiety may be an insight into the source of the cause of the anxiety. Suffice to say, I think it is important to recognize your unique pattern of experiencing anxious thoughts. Ask yourself questions about the tone of these thoughts.

• Can you feel them coming before you have them? Or, do they just hit you all of sudden?
• How intense are they?
• Are they constant or do they come in waves?
• Are some of these thoughts more powerful than others or are they all about the same?
• Do you feel more anxious during certain times of the day or is it consistent throughout the day? 

Common Approaches to Alleviate Anxiety:

One unpleasant feature of feeling anxious is the feeling that things are out of control. Anxiety is the mind’s attempt to freeze the world so that you can regain a sense of control. However, because it’s impossible to actually stop time or events, the mind is unsuccessful. This leads one to feel helpless and frustrated.

If we wish to employ reason, one technique from Cognitive Behavior therapy (CBT) is to challenge anxious thoughts. Understand that anxious thoughts are often a result of a habit of the mind. You will often hear CBT practitioners say, “You don’t have to believe everything you think.” Learning to non-judgmentally observe your anxious thoughts from outside the emotional realm is a great first step in addressing them.

Another CBT technique to try and isolate the objects of your anxiety. What do you get anxious about? Is it your health? Perhaps your job? Whatever it is, decide that the object of your anxiety is really just a front that is keeping the real issue hidden. Anxious people tend to find new things to be anxious about, when the old objects of their anxiety are gone. Your job or your health isn’t the real issue; the real issue is the habit of anxiety.  So instead of worrying about the job, we can focus our attention to our anxious thoughts instead.

The Role of Feelings

Anxiety happens at a feelings level. We don’t usually say, “I am having anxious thoughts” rather we say, “I feel anxious.” As with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, we can use our mind to challenge our feelings, but feelings can be elusive to the process of reason. While thoughts and feelings are usually tied together, things like worry and anxiety can be ambiguous to the point where one may experience anxiety without any particular thought or content. It can feel like a state of being. Feelings can become automatic and habitual and, left unchecked, will begin to rule our lives. 

One of the most wonderful things about human beings is that we “take on” certain characteristics and traits. In the religious realm we talk about humans as being incarnational. For example, we can recognize goodness and do good things, but we can also be good. We can acknowledge truth but we can also be truthful. The goal of human life is to take on the virtues – those things which we all understand to be praiseworthy – like joy, peace, patience, kindness and gentleness. This is how we become most fully human. 

Similarly, this process of formation can work in negative ways. As I teach in my ethics class, a person can go from telling lies to being a liar. Many of us have known people who tell lies for no reason at all, about very trivial things, for no other reason than it’s in their character to do so.

Conclusion

The human character is always being shaped around its vision of values. We become what we value. Another great first step in resolving anxiety is to have a vision of life without anxiety. What would that look like for you? Is it something you’d want to work towards?

It may sound odd, but our patterns of thought, as painful as they may be can be considered comfortable. We may hate being anxious but we might choose it over having to think about our world and ourselves in a new light. It’s well known that some people who suffer with depression, as debilitating as it is, will describe it as familiar and familiar is safe.

Working on not believing every anxious thought you have, observing these thoughts from the “outside” third person perspective, and exploring a vision of your life without anxiety are all great ways to begin the journey of an anxious free life!

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If you have been struggling with anxiety and would like help in managing anxious thoughts, book a free 30 minute consultation with me and we can explore strategies to help you find relief!